From The Podcast Rant

Below is an except from the podcast rant I did about 4×4 drivers.  Enjoy.


Ok, first off the reason for the change of segment. I can come on this podcast and talk about films and books that I know most of you if not all of you have either already seen or read or are not going to bother reading or seeing. That’s fine. I’ll still talk about them from time to time, but I thought the point of this podcast was to do something different so I’m going to use it as a bit of therapy. And I don’t mean the talk about your childhood stuff we were doing in the early ones. No, I’m talking about letting out some of the rage I have about the subtly stupid and the barbarically moronic. But because I want this to stay general in time and space it’s going to be about the ass clowns, the dick hats and the fuck tards that you and I have to deal with on a daily basis. This is Black Rage!


Too kick the first rant off I’m going to go with one that is not only irritating but fuck me sideways if it’s not also dangerous. I am of course talking about the vermin that is soccer moms and their god damn suburban tanks. 4x4s, or SUVs as we call them in the states. The kind of car that was meant to tear up mountain trails and cruise up sand dunes, but the only time that these cars have been off road is when these ass clown park up on the grass, even though they know they are NOT supposed to so that little Timmy doesn’t have to wear out his little legs walking the extra ten metres to soccer practice.


I don’t even really have a problem with the car, it’s the people that drive them. I don’t want people this think that this is some hippy save the planet thing against big rigs. Not at all. If you own a off road truck with the big muffler that goes up the side and have the fishing rod holders on the front, a jerry can on the back and a boat on the roof, I have no problem with you. In fact. We can be friends. It’s the ones that get washed because Tabatha with the ph and the accent mark drove through a muddy puddle. I take my kids to day care and it looks like D-Day with these tanks in a row. And each one takes up two spots, and when the person reverses them it takes a 72 point turn to get out because these things don’t turn like tanks. Eventually betty jumps the curb almost nails my car and then gives me the stare down because I’m giving her the look like if you can’t drive it, honey, don’t own it!


And DO NOT give me the bullshit about needing to own one because it’s the only thing that you can fit all the kids and the stuff for your daily life in. BULLSHIT! I own a small hatch back. And not only can I fit myself, the wife, two kids, a pram and all the shopping but I have enough room for all the toys that come with a day trip out because my son can’t decide between Spider-man and Buzz Lightyear! And you should have your license taken away if you lay the “I drive it to keep my family safe” argument, even though there is a hint of truth to that. You are keeping them safe from your sucky ass driving! If you’re rocking a hummer and hit my car because you might have spilled some of your Venti 1 pump caramel, 1 pump white mocha, 2 scoops vanilla bean powder, extra ice frappuchino with 2 shots poured over the top with caramel drizzle under and on top of the whipped cream, double cupped starfucks order on your whale penis leather seats, and yes that is a real thing Thank you china! The damage your cause because you are driving one of these chocolate button on mag wheels is more than it would be if you were driving what you were made to drive. A fucking clown car. And it was also because you didn’t see me with your jacked up ego car. Your car is too big and you’re a giant asshole! Get a smaller car, tell Timmy he doesn’t need a seven speaker HD TV with a built in blueray player for the ten minute jaunt to the shops and stop blocking views from driveways when you park on the road, stop cruising into other lanes because your vehicles blind spot is everything seven metres and below. And you think this isn’t you. And you think I’m being unfair, and you have one of these wank mobiles and you only have ONE kid. That’s a double fuck you because you’re kids going to grow up to be an asshole too. As a once great man once said…at least that’s my opinion. I could be wrong. But I’m not. I added that.


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